Category Archives: A realization that something is missing

Sunrise at the beach café near the Dolphinarium

My hair is probably at least as ruffled as M’s and N’s who are sitting next to me on the beach chairs, staring at the waves. But I don’t care. Normally I would, but this night has opened my eyes, temporarily, to the fact that the wiring in my brain is all jumbled up. A decision needs to be arrived at now. M used to be my girlfriend, but it is with N that I am still in contact. We walked up and down Tel-Aviv this night, and played piano in my parents’ house, and bathed half nude in the sea, and now we’re playing with our food at a café on the beach. The unreasonable sum that the start-up company I work in is paying me brings me nothing but a penchant for psychedelic drugs and fancy restaurants. My psychological make-up is too complicated, I realize – defense mechanisms supplementing and overriding each other in an intricate web that succeeds in maintaining a presentable façade, more or less (a work of art, really).
Within a week I resign, the twin towers in New York crumble to the ground, I get vaccinated and a month later am on a plane.

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